How do people pick a leader?

Have you ever wondered how a leader is chosen? How do groups of people decide who the leader is? Think of the last time you attended a seminar. Remember when the speaker split everyone into smaller groups of 6 or 8 people. Then they asked each group to pick the leader for the group. The participants look around at each other and in a few seconds, everyone looks at the person they choose. Strangely, everyone in the group pics the same person. And it happens in every group the same way, every time. Have you ever wondered why it only takes a few seconds for the entire group to pick one person? In this article we will explain why this happens and what is really happening from a leadership perspective. As a professional or business owner, you will become more aware of how you show up as a leader. This will become a valuable tool in your success.

Leadership is fluid and always training

Let us look at how leadership is decided:

• every time you go into a networking group or,
•  every time you go into a business meeting or, 
• every time that a new person steps into a group or,
• every time a person leaves a group or,
• When someone changes their leadership to hide in the shadows or to gain power,

there will be a reordering of the leadership hierarchy. Why? Well, in every group there is one important leadership principle that takes place. That principle states that everyone wants to follow a leader higher than themselves. When changes happen to a group, those people in the group unconsciously reevaluate where they stand in the leadership order. The evaluation happens fast. And most people are unaware that it has even happened, unless… There is conflict.

Let me give you an example of what we do in one of our leadership seminars. We have people enter the room and ask then not to talk to other participants. We instruct them to pick a seat at one of the tables in the room. Then we gave a name tag with only their first name on it. No one knows what occupation they are in or anything about the people they sit with. Then we welcome them to the seminar and ask them to use the paper on the table to one-by-one list the other 6-7 people at the table in order of their perceived leadership level without knowing anything about those people. Those with the highest level will be first and then the next highest until everyone was on the list. 

Then we take all the lists from each table and process the information for each table. The statistics are always the same at each table. What we find is everyone agrees on who the top leader is. The rest are in the same order on everyone’s list within one position. So that means that every single person sitting at each table, have chosen the leadership hierarchy, level by level. Even without even knowing anything about the other people in the group!

How leadership posturing works

The rule of thumb is this everybody wants to be following a leader who is greater than themselves. By putting people in order of their leadership level we start to understand that there are subconscious clues that others are picking up. These clues that we are giving out every moment dictate how people perceive us. This is the essence of your personal leadership posture. It is the unconscious and subtle signals that you are sending out. It tells others around you what your leadership level is. If you choose to relax and just go with the crowd, your level may be lower. If you came in feeling strong and filled with confidence your level will show up higher.

What contributes to your leadership posture?

Some of the things that determine this will be easy to see and others are more intuitive. Here is a list of several of the signals that others may notice to determine your leadership level.

• Posture – how you hold your shoulders and head affects how people see you. Leaders typically have their shoulders back and head up
• Body language – People will notice if you body language is open or closed off. They will notice how you stand and how you move.
• Your confidence level – Are you feeling confident or uneasy? Either way it will show.
• Who are you talking with – Are you standing with the groups leaders or sitting at a table by yourself?
• The language you use – Is it polite or coarse? Depending on the groups culture, either one of these will indicate that you belong or not. As well as whether you should be considered as a potential leader. If you are unsure of the culture, exercise caution and be polite.
• Eye contact – looking someone in the eyes for a reasonable moment is an effective way to show your confidence.
• Respect – People will watch to see how you show respect to others. If you are week in this area, you might be disqualified as a leader.
• Focus – is your focus on what you need or is it about helping someone else. Leaders look for win-win scenarios and do not hesitate to help others.
• The congruence of your overall posture – people pickup when something about you seems forced or unnatural. They may not be able to name it precisely, but they feel it. This sense will cause them to back away from you and not trust you as much.
• How you handle subtle testing – testing will come in the form of sarcasm or disrespect. How you respond tells the group how you handle things when things get messy. The best thing you can do is hold your posture and not let it bother you.
• Dress – Some cultures have a specific way of looking at your clothing attire. In each business their will be an acceptable way that a leader must dress to be taken seriously. A good rule of thumb is to dress one step up from what you think the groups leaders are wearing. For example, if you are attending a networking group, business casual may be the norm. You may want to add a great pair of shoes or other accessories to “dress up” just a bit to get noticed. 

So, its important to understand that everything about you will be judged. It is a natural process for the selection of leaders.

The leadership skill of conscious choice

It is important that you evaluate each area of your leadership posture. Doing so will give you an awareness where you are strong and where you want to work on. How you “show up” as a leader is a choice. If you choose to be invisible in a group, you will succeed. If you choose to be the strongest leader you can be, it will show. Your quiet confidence will be noticed by everyone at the meeting. If you are boastful, arrogant, or trying too hard to show that you are a leader, people will ignore you. 

Focus on how you show up when you enter the room. Are you the person that enters the room and immediately sits at an empty table becoming invisible? Or are you the person that is walking through the room introducing themselves and having a chat with people? Your choice will dictate your success as a leader.

You need to know that everybody in the room is assessing you. They are deciding where you fit into the leadership hierarchy of their group. If you are in a business meeting that is critical for your success. If you are at a networking event, it makes a substantial difference whether you are just there eating a meal or whether you are making successful connections. Therefore, it is a great idea to take a moment before you step into each potential leadership situation. Ask yourself, “how am I going to show up today”? Then choose the best leadership posture for the situation.